Being on maternity leave this spring has allowed me to meet my dear daughter at the end of the driveway and get her off of the bus. We walk down the driveway (on those random warm Michigan spring days) and chat about her day. Her new little brother loves to eat but usually gives us an hour to play outside before he wants his dinner. So we chill and play with the dog, rake, ride bikes and scooters. It is really a great time.
One day, I had swept the driveway and it was nice and rock free. I decided to draw a little road for her to ride her bike on. After drawing the road, then came the school, ice cream shop, park, McDonald’s, bank and of course the police station. Throughout the course there were stop signs, railroad tracks and pedestrian crossings. She had to obey the traffic signs (might as well learn early!), it’s the law right?
Well, I caught her running a stop sign…. So I pulled her over! Using old checks, I wrote her a ticket and charged her a fine, $250. She laughed and giggled. It was fun. Too fun. She went rogue on me.
She started running stop signs, driving hap hazardly, it was frightening. I had to pull her over again. This was going to be a ticket of a life time. Reckless driving, driving while silly, failure to stop, on and on and on. Well, this was even more fun. Fine - $1,000. Giggles are getting bigger…
More craziness, driving through buildings, across people, no stopping, robbing banks, ahhhhhh….. who is this child. I had to pull her over again. Every time I got close, she ran again…. Finally, I caught her. ‘Step out of the bicycle, Mam’. Off she steps and I start reading her the riot act. Reckless driving, armed robbery, driving while laughing, failure to yield, failure to stop, felony evading and eluding… this is not going to be good.
As I am writing the ticket, SHE RUNS! Like a wild, laughing banshee down the driveway, screaming and giggling. That’s it, I impounded the bike… It was like an episode of Cops, except this cop was laughing harder than she was. I couldn’t catch my breath to get her to stop or even run after her. With the bike put up, I was sure the citizens of Driveway Town were once again safe.
As the call came into the station of another maniac on the roads, I headed out… the vehicle was different, but the driver was the same….
Here we go again, this time add driving on a suspended license and driving a stolen vehicle.
A Cops work is never done…
Friday, March 19, 2010
Thursday, November 19, 2009
America’s Funniest Home Video
It took 5 years but we finally have a submission worthy of AFV. Our daughter has now started Kindergarten. Two days a week her class has gym and they have been working on how to Hula Hoop. She has had a Hula Hoop of her own for a few years but she wanted the fancy Hula Hoop that lights up. However, because of the lights in it, it is not balanced all that well and nearly impossible to be able to actually Hula Hoop with it.
She decided that she wanted to show me how she Hula’s. She grabs the Hula, positions it and spins it as hard as she can and wiggles her hips from side to side. The Hula falls to the ground after it loses momentum. She does this a few times and I decide that it is time to get the camcorder.
I get the camera set up and ready and she repeats the same Hula process a few times. I tell her that she needs to move her hips in a circle in order to get the Hula Hoop to stay going around. So she gets those hips moving, swings the Hula and she is doing it – TOO WELL! The Hula Hoop starts “walking” up her body she is doing so well. Next thing you know, bonk, right in the nose, tears, crying and I shut off the camera.
I take a moment to cuddle, sooth, laugh, and get her back into Hula mode. After a few minutes she is ready. I get the camera out and ready to go. She sits on the ground inside the Hula Hoop, she grabs the edge of it to stand up and start again and BONK, right in the nose again, more crying, more consoling and moments later more calm.
Dad is now on his way in the house from work, I get the camera on for the next round and she is on her knees, in the Hula again, grabs it to stand up and BAM right in the forehead…. Now both of us are crying, her from pain/humiliation, me from laughing hysterically. I shut off the camera again, I am trying soooo hard not to laugh but really, I can’t. I am trying to console her, Dad is laughing at me laughing (oh yea, I am 6 months pregnant and my belly jiggles like a bowl full of jelly), she is crying and now refuses to Hula any more.
I explain to Dad what happened and he decides he is going to Hula. So again, I get the camera out and set, Dad gets the Hula, attempts to Hula and fails. My dear daughter wants to see Dad on the video screen but in order to get his whole body in the shot and I am leaning back near the wall. She comes into look and SMACK right into the wall behind me.
At this point I have lost it. I can’t stop laughing; I can barely catch my breath. I feel so bad for her but it is just humorous. And to have it all on film….
The next round of Hula goes to the dog. Trying to get a 90 lb ridgeback to jump through a hoop is interesting but doable. After many attempts at getting him through, he goes. My husband goes to stand up, finally done with the evening festivities of the Hula and BAM! Hula right in the forehead – too bad I had shut the camera off at this point….
Now I just have to find the time to get it onto video and submit. None of us can watch it without laughing hysterically….
She decided that she wanted to show me how she Hula’s. She grabs the Hula, positions it and spins it as hard as she can and wiggles her hips from side to side. The Hula falls to the ground after it loses momentum. She does this a few times and I decide that it is time to get the camcorder.
I get the camera set up and ready and she repeats the same Hula process a few times. I tell her that she needs to move her hips in a circle in order to get the Hula Hoop to stay going around. So she gets those hips moving, swings the Hula and she is doing it – TOO WELL! The Hula Hoop starts “walking” up her body she is doing so well. Next thing you know, bonk, right in the nose, tears, crying and I shut off the camera.
I take a moment to cuddle, sooth, laugh, and get her back into Hula mode. After a few minutes she is ready. I get the camera out and ready to go. She sits on the ground inside the Hula Hoop, she grabs the edge of it to stand up and start again and BONK, right in the nose again, more crying, more consoling and moments later more calm.
Dad is now on his way in the house from work, I get the camera on for the next round and she is on her knees, in the Hula again, grabs it to stand up and BAM right in the forehead…. Now both of us are crying, her from pain/humiliation, me from laughing hysterically. I shut off the camera again, I am trying soooo hard not to laugh but really, I can’t. I am trying to console her, Dad is laughing at me laughing (oh yea, I am 6 months pregnant and my belly jiggles like a bowl full of jelly), she is crying and now refuses to Hula any more.
I explain to Dad what happened and he decides he is going to Hula. So again, I get the camera out and set, Dad gets the Hula, attempts to Hula and fails. My dear daughter wants to see Dad on the video screen but in order to get his whole body in the shot and I am leaning back near the wall. She comes into look and SMACK right into the wall behind me.
At this point I have lost it. I can’t stop laughing; I can barely catch my breath. I feel so bad for her but it is just humorous. And to have it all on film….
The next round of Hula goes to the dog. Trying to get a 90 lb ridgeback to jump through a hoop is interesting but doable. After many attempts at getting him through, he goes. My husband goes to stand up, finally done with the evening festivities of the Hula and BAM! Hula right in the forehead – too bad I had shut the camera off at this point….
Now I just have to find the time to get it onto video and submit. None of us can watch it without laughing hysterically….
Monday, October 5, 2009
Suburban Auto Supply
We live in a small town – one that is close to a big town. So we have the luxury of country living with the convenience of city amenities. We do our best to visit the small town shops to keep our money local.
Now – like many others that have property, we find ourselves filling this property with large objects – such as cars…. Too many cars. Five to be exact – but of course, one does not run. We have a few older vehicles so they require a bit more maintenance. As such, we visit the local auto parts store on a regular basis.
On one such occasion, we made a ‘quick’ stop at the store for Dad to get some parts for the truck. Me and my daughter we patiently waiting in the truck. She is really getting a lot better at reading and loves to read anything. So she was reading the sign on the store.
She did a great job of sounding it out on her own, Suburban Auto Supply. Not too tricky at all. But what caught me off guard, after 5 years of going to this store, I never put it together like she did…. As only our daughter could, she asked….
“Is this store only for us? Because we have a Suburban?”
Not once did any of us put that together that way. Kids have a great way of thinking.
Now – like many others that have property, we find ourselves filling this property with large objects – such as cars…. Too many cars. Five to be exact – but of course, one does not run. We have a few older vehicles so they require a bit more maintenance. As such, we visit the local auto parts store on a regular basis.
On one such occasion, we made a ‘quick’ stop at the store for Dad to get some parts for the truck. Me and my daughter we patiently waiting in the truck. She is really getting a lot better at reading and loves to read anything. So she was reading the sign on the store.
She did a great job of sounding it out on her own, Suburban Auto Supply. Not too tricky at all. But what caught me off guard, after 5 years of going to this store, I never put it together like she did…. As only our daughter could, she asked….
“Is this store only for us? Because we have a Suburban?”
Not once did any of us put that together that way. Kids have a great way of thinking.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Row Boat
Our daughter is really getting into reading. She loves it! She now reads a book a night to us and then we read to her. We are now trying to work on comprehension while reading. Occasionally while reading, we will ask her if she knows what a word she just read means.
Usually she knows, but there are those few times when she doesn’t. (It isn’t as if we are reading high level books here!). One afternoon she was reading a book to us. She came across the words ‘row boat’. It took a moment for her to get it sounded out correctly. So, we asked her, ‘do you know what a row boat is?’. She tried to explain it, we weren’t getting it. So in frustration, she jumped up and said ‘I will show you’. Okay, that is a pretty easy one to act out. Expecting our daughter to start miming rowing a boat, we got something TOTALLY different!
She jumps up from my lap, turns to face me and as serious as a heart attack starts miming her interpretation of a row boat. I thought I was going to DIE! I could barely breath, I was laughing so hard. Tears just streaming down my face.
She stops, not knowing at all why I am laughing. Do you know????
Our dear daughter stood up and started dancing like a ROBOT! (And she was good at it, she must have seen her Dad dancing!)
It was the funniest thing I had ever seen… and for months after, when we asked her to do the Row Boat, we got the best Robot dance ever!
Usually she knows, but there are those few times when she doesn’t. (It isn’t as if we are reading high level books here!). One afternoon she was reading a book to us. She came across the words ‘row boat’. It took a moment for her to get it sounded out correctly. So, we asked her, ‘do you know what a row boat is?’. She tried to explain it, we weren’t getting it. So in frustration, she jumped up and said ‘I will show you’. Okay, that is a pretty easy one to act out. Expecting our daughter to start miming rowing a boat, we got something TOTALLY different!
She jumps up from my lap, turns to face me and as serious as a heart attack starts miming her interpretation of a row boat. I thought I was going to DIE! I could barely breath, I was laughing so hard. Tears just streaming down my face.
She stops, not knowing at all why I am laughing. Do you know????
Our dear daughter stood up and started dancing like a ROBOT! (And she was good at it, she must have seen her Dad dancing!)
It was the funniest thing I had ever seen… and for months after, when we asked her to do the Row Boat, we got the best Robot dance ever!
Thursday, June 4, 2009
I Like to Ride My Bicycle
It is my fault. It really is. I protected her too much and now I killed the daring side of her. I am overly cautious and think things through TOO much. I take all the blame – hear that, all of it. Dear daughter, I will print this and you can take it in when you are 24 years old as proof. I admit it!
For her 3rd birthday we thought we would get her a little 10” Dora bicycle. Training wheels, bell, streamers, the whole nine. It even came with a little ‘backpack’ and ‘map’ like the cartoon. (One of the only ones she is allowed to watch – until Dora becomes a teenager, don’t EVEN get me started on that one). She was skittish about trying it but she did try. To make it worse, we have an uneven asphalt driveway so the training wheels have to be uneven or her bicycle quickly becomes a stationary exercise bike.
Well – we just gave up. It took her nearly an hour to make it to the MIDDLE of our driveway. The arguing and fighting just wasn’t worth it. So we left it in the garage – eventually she would want to ride.
Her grandma took her camping in Mackinaw at age 4 – this year. Dear Daughter took her bicycle because her 9 year old cousin was going to be there with hers. Well, it didn’t go so well. The uneven training wheels for starters but the really fast 9 year old too. So once again, the bike was put up and our Dear Daughter ran behind her cousin the entire vacation.
When asked what the problem with the bike was, Dear Daughter told grandma that it was too small. She pointed out older kids on bigger 12” bicycles (with no training wheels) and said that was the bike that she needed. I had warned grandma about this. It is a trick….
So, grandma fell for it and got Dear Daughter a bigger bike for her 5th birthday this last June. A nice blue, flowery one with a horn and the stringy things that hang from the handle bars. We tried riding at home, it was a little better however we still had the same issues. We took her new bike camping for the 4th of July, hoping beyond hope that we might get somewhere. Well – we did, but not where we thought we would.
We walked beside her as she rode. We tried to talk her through the hills, both up and down. We mostly pushed her up the hills and held the seat on the way down to slow her. But the crying and whining and ugh…..
We said, “you told grandma that if you got a bigger bike you would be able to ride, so she got you a bigger bike but we seem to have the same issues. What is the problem now?” After much thought she determined the issue, “You know why I can’t ride… because the bike is not PURPLE!”
Hmmmm….. Oh really.
For her 3rd birthday we thought we would get her a little 10” Dora bicycle. Training wheels, bell, streamers, the whole nine. It even came with a little ‘backpack’ and ‘map’ like the cartoon. (One of the only ones she is allowed to watch – until Dora becomes a teenager, don’t EVEN get me started on that one). She was skittish about trying it but she did try. To make it worse, we have an uneven asphalt driveway so the training wheels have to be uneven or her bicycle quickly becomes a stationary exercise bike.
Well – we just gave up. It took her nearly an hour to make it to the MIDDLE of our driveway. The arguing and fighting just wasn’t worth it. So we left it in the garage – eventually she would want to ride.
Her grandma took her camping in Mackinaw at age 4 – this year. Dear Daughter took her bicycle because her 9 year old cousin was going to be there with hers. Well, it didn’t go so well. The uneven training wheels for starters but the really fast 9 year old too. So once again, the bike was put up and our Dear Daughter ran behind her cousin the entire vacation.
When asked what the problem with the bike was, Dear Daughter told grandma that it was too small. She pointed out older kids on bigger 12” bicycles (with no training wheels) and said that was the bike that she needed. I had warned grandma about this. It is a trick….
So, grandma fell for it and got Dear Daughter a bigger bike for her 5th birthday this last June. A nice blue, flowery one with a horn and the stringy things that hang from the handle bars. We tried riding at home, it was a little better however we still had the same issues. We took her new bike camping for the 4th of July, hoping beyond hope that we might get somewhere. Well – we did, but not where we thought we would.
We walked beside her as she rode. We tried to talk her through the hills, both up and down. We mostly pushed her up the hills and held the seat on the way down to slow her. But the crying and whining and ugh…..
We said, “you told grandma that if you got a bigger bike you would be able to ride, so she got you a bigger bike but we seem to have the same issues. What is the problem now?” After much thought she determined the issue, “You know why I can’t ride… because the bike is not PURPLE!”
Hmmmm….. Oh really.
Friday, March 20, 2009
“Who Starts With W”
It is no wonder that at the ripe old age of 5, I have a very smart aleck daughter. I mean, with what I put her through – tell your kids to be a psychiatrist – they will make lots of money!
Every week in preschool during the school year the kids focus on a letter. On the way home from the end of our days, we would find stuff in or out of the car that would begin with that letter of the week. Weeks progressed passed M (see previous blog) without many hiccups until “W” week….
Now for those of you who haven’t heard the Abbott and Costello “Who’s On First” bit – find it, listen and enjoy. It is one of the most original and quite funny comic routines that contains not one ounce of vulgarity! (Amazing, it can be done!) And it is the greatest source of my dear daughters frustration and she has yet to hear it!
The conversation on the way home from school this day, age 4 – was reminiscent of that wonderful skit: (M = Me, D = Daughter) This one is better than M – much more daughter interaction this time!
M: So did you work on the letter “W” today?
D: Yes, we did.
M: Tell me some words that you learned that start with “W”.
D: Word starts with “W”, wait, with starts with “W”, and wait! Wow!
M: And wow does too!
D: Yes it does.
M: Any other words?
D: Weather… wind….
M: What starts with “W”, too.
D: I just told you, weather, wind…
M: I know, I am telling you what starts with “W”.
D: What?
M: Yes, what starts with “W”.
D: I though you were going to tell me some words that start with “W”.
M: I did, what.
D: What starts with “W”?
M: Yes, what starts with “W”.
D: NO, I said, WHAT starts with “W”?
M: I know and I am telling you – what starts with “W”.
D: NO you didn’t. What starts with “W”?
M: Dear, the word ‘what’ starts with the letter “W”.
D: Oh, I get it.
So you would think that would be the end…. Oh no….
M: Now, who starts with “W”.
D: Walt Disney.
M: Yes, that is right but who starts with “W”.
D: I don’t know anyone but Walt Disney.
M: I know that Walt Disney starts with “W”, but who starts with “W” as well.
D: So, who starts with “W”?
M: Yes, who starts with “W”.
D: No, tell me who starts with “W”.
M: I just did, who starts with “W”.
D: I am not playing, you said you would tell me who starts with “W”.
M: And it does!
D: That’s it, I am not talking anymore.
That abruptly ended the conversation. Of course, I explained further when we got home – but I could have gone on forever… When was next…. Ah the joys of parenthood. There will be a day that I pay for all this, but it will be worth it the day she bests me!
Every week in preschool during the school year the kids focus on a letter. On the way home from the end of our days, we would find stuff in or out of the car that would begin with that letter of the week. Weeks progressed passed M (see previous blog) without many hiccups until “W” week….
Now for those of you who haven’t heard the Abbott and Costello “Who’s On First” bit – find it, listen and enjoy. It is one of the most original and quite funny comic routines that contains not one ounce of vulgarity! (Amazing, it can be done!) And it is the greatest source of my dear daughters frustration and she has yet to hear it!
The conversation on the way home from school this day, age 4 – was reminiscent of that wonderful skit: (M = Me, D = Daughter) This one is better than M – much more daughter interaction this time!
M: So did you work on the letter “W” today?
D: Yes, we did.
M: Tell me some words that you learned that start with “W”.
D: Word starts with “W”, wait, with starts with “W”, and wait! Wow!
M: And wow does too!
D: Yes it does.
M: Any other words?
D: Weather… wind….
M: What starts with “W”, too.
D: I just told you, weather, wind…
M: I know, I am telling you what starts with “W”.
D: What?
M: Yes, what starts with “W”.
D: I though you were going to tell me some words that start with “W”.
M: I did, what.
D: What starts with “W”?
M: Yes, what starts with “W”.
D: NO, I said, WHAT starts with “W”?
M: I know and I am telling you – what starts with “W”.
D: NO you didn’t. What starts with “W”?
M: Dear, the word ‘what’ starts with the letter “W”.
D: Oh, I get it.
So you would think that would be the end…. Oh no….
M: Now, who starts with “W”.
D: Walt Disney.
M: Yes, that is right but who starts with “W”.
D: I don’t know anyone but Walt Disney.
M: I know that Walt Disney starts with “W”, but who starts with “W” as well.
D: So, who starts with “W”?
M: Yes, who starts with “W”.
D: No, tell me who starts with “W”.
M: I just did, who starts with “W”.
D: I am not playing, you said you would tell me who starts with “W”.
M: And it does!
D: That’s it, I am not talking anymore.
That abruptly ended the conversation. Of course, I explained further when we got home – but I could have gone on forever… When was next…. Ah the joys of parenthood. There will be a day that I pay for all this, but it will be worth it the day she bests me!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Me, You, My, Yours
Okay, one day my daughter will read this and on that day she will disown me (or at least have a good start to her file for the psychiatrist). It is just too easy but I have to remind myself 30 yr old nerd vs 4 yr old princess - not really a fair fight.
Every week during the school year at school my daughters class focuses one letter of the alphabet. This week just happens to be M. Every day that I pick her up, we spend the ride home (doing what now class, if you read the posts you know) talking about her day. We try and find things in the car or outside that start with the letter of the week or she tells me the new words she has learned. By the way, really hard to come up with words that start with a specific letter on demand!
So we are going through M words: mitten, Michigan, man, mom, mama, Mickey Mouse, Minnie.... stuck for a moment. She tells me that she learned a new M word, me... and here went the conversation (M=Me, D=Daughter).
D: I know another M word, ME!
M: You?
D: No, ME!
M: That is what I said, You?
D: Ugh, NO ME!
M: You? That doesn't start with M.
D: No, I said ME.. not you.
M: Oh, ME! Yes, that starts with M.
But she doesn't get it. There is no grasping of what is going on. I guess I won't play "Who's on First" for her yet. Yet, it doesn't stop.... no, I won't bore you with the next conversation, play the above again using the following equation (nerd):
Me-> My
You -> Yours
It is people like me that help keep talks shows on the air. At least I make a contribution.
Sorry DD, it is only because I love you that I pick on you (at least that is what my Dad told me all these years!)
Every week during the school year at school my daughters class focuses one letter of the alphabet. This week just happens to be M. Every day that I pick her up, we spend the ride home (doing what now class, if you read the posts you know) talking about her day. We try and find things in the car or outside that start with the letter of the week or she tells me the new words she has learned. By the way, really hard to come up with words that start with a specific letter on demand!
So we are going through M words: mitten, Michigan, man, mom, mama, Mickey Mouse, Minnie.... stuck for a moment. She tells me that she learned a new M word, me... and here went the conversation (M=Me, D=Daughter).
D: I know another M word, ME!
M: You?
D: No, ME!
M: That is what I said, You?
D: Ugh, NO ME!
M: You? That doesn't start with M.
D: No, I said ME.. not you.
M: Oh, ME! Yes, that starts with M.
But she doesn't get it. There is no grasping of what is going on. I guess I won't play "Who's on First" for her yet. Yet, it doesn't stop.... no, I won't bore you with the next conversation, play the above again using the following equation (nerd):
Me-> My
You -> Yours
It is people like me that help keep talks shows on the air. At least I make a contribution.
Sorry DD, it is only because I love you that I pick on you (at least that is what my Dad told me all these years!)
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